My wife won’t forgive me for flirting with other women on Facebook
DEAR DEIDRE: My wife scolded me while flirting with other women.
I had no intention of sleeping with either of them, but I might as well have, given the way she treats me now.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No problem is too small, too big, or too embarrassing. Read our personal responses here.
When she threw me out, I convinced her to give me another chance.
I’m back home and we share a bed but I’m not allowed to go near her, not even for a little kiss.
I am 39 and she is 37. We have been married for ten years and have a six year old son who has been greatly affected by it.
Of course, I realize that I shouldn’t have been chatting with other women on Facebook. But isn’t it time she put everything behind her?
I love my wife to the end, but living in each other’s pocket has become boring. So I flirted for a bit of distraction.
But after my wife borrowed my iPad and found the messages, she was furious.
She kicked me out and refused to accept my apologies.
I then discovered that she had made a profile on some dating sites.
She said she was in the middle of a divorce, which was not true. I also know that she has met at least three guys. It hurt a lot, but she seemed to revel in his behavior.
A few months passed and I begged her to take me back. Finally, she agreed.
Every problem receives a personal response, usually within 24 hours on weekdays.
I was so relieved and thought we could put the whole episode behind us and move on.
But the moment I try to kiss her or give her a hug, she yells at me to “get out of her face”.
There is no affection. We can’t go on like this. His behavior seriously affects my confidence.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife has been devastated and the damage is done.
This type of virtual contact directs energy and interest outside of your relationship and can be just as hurtful as physical cheating.
You say you just wanted a little distraction, but that very distraction was hurting your marriage.
It takes a lot of talking and a lot of hugs. Tell him – over and over again – that you love him, that you deeply regret what you did, and that you want to get over this crisis.
It will take time for your wife to heal and be able to trust you again, but don’t give up.
The effects of family breakdown are huge and lasting for all children. Your son alone must be worth trying to save your marriage.
My Cheating Support Pack – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can move on from that. And you can get ongoing support through report.org.uk.