How to use Twitter as a dating app, according to people who have done it


I’m single. I am extremely online. I looked at the people behind the Twitter accounts that I have established parasocial relationships start dating everyone after interacting publicly – and probably privately – on the app. All of these truths lead to one question: Is using Twitter really a viable option for finding love?

Like any investigative journalist worthy of the name, I went straight to the source: I tweeted a request asking people to share their experiences using Twitter as a dating app. I was pleasantly surprised (and not at all bitter) to find out how many success stories flooded my inboX. (Should I be shocked that some cheeky suitors took the thread as an opportunity to woo me in my DMs? Of course not.)

Comments under thread and the messages I have received include stories of romantic relationships, rejections, marriages, friendships and, at times, fiery jokes from DMs that fizzled out IRL. My biggest takeaway from all of them is that you can find the same triumphs and defeats, epic ups and downs to frequent Twitter as you can with Hinge, Tinder, or even approach a stranger in a bar. In fact, the parallels to in-person flirting might be the crux of my point: social media is actually a closer mirror of the risks and rewards of real-life flirting than the meticulous artifice of dating apps.

The argument for Twitter to be real life

The ubiquitous idea that “Twitter is not real life” could apply to politics (or not). But I would say that the “social” aspect of social media can give you an edge over online dating that apps like Tinder and Hinge can’t.

On Tinder, all you can know about someone is if they’ve caught a fish at some point. On Twitter, you can see a real-time reflection of their thoughts and interests. Likewise, if you are active online, other people may find out what you publicly say is funny, stimulating, or outrageous, whether you tweeted it yourself or encouraged someone’s tweet. other.

Granted, any character online is an inherently filtered and manipulated version of yourself. But isn’t a dating profile a Following carefully filtered, Following heavily manipulated version of yourself that, say, your stream of consciousness is tweeting about Ted lasso? Your unsuccessful attempts at epic clapbacks? Your favorite meme styles? Also, as soon as I meet someone on a dating app, I supplement their profile with my own internet harassment anyway.

How to use Twitter as a dating app

Before you start: There are some major differences between flirting on Tinder and on Twitter. When you message someone on an app specifically designed for dating, you’ve struck up a conversation with mutual agreement about why you’re there. You don’t have that same understanding in Twitter DMs. For better or worse, messaging someone on Twitter is rife with all the uncertainty of sneaking up next to someone in a bar. This means that there will have to be a time when you clarify your intentions and you must be prepared to immediately accept a response.

That said, here are tips and tricks straight from Twitter users who have found love – or at least mutual interest – on the app. (Note: Many respondents asked to remain anonymous, which is fair.)

Establish your presence on Twitter

After random accounts crept into my DMs after asking my dating question via Twitter, I checked their profiles, only to find that most of them had never tweeted at all. I was forced to assume they were robots, perverts or worse: boring.

If you’re trying to use Twitter as a dating app, you need to be prepared for your crush to scan your profile with the ‘swipe right, swipe left’ mindset. This means that you must use it enough for someone to get a feel for you (at least online). Thinking of potential partners, the most cheesy but truest piece of advice is to try to make your account a true reflection of who you are. It is also helpful if your avatar is a real photo of you or other social networks, like Instagram, are linked to your profile.

Be mutuals

Who doesn’t like a story of friends to lovers? On Twitter, being “mutual” means that the two of you are following each other and is equivalent to being “friends” (in Facebook parlance, not necessarily in real life).

One user shared this origin story about a possible connection initiated by Twitter: “I made a friend [through] interact with each other’s tweets. Eventually he added me to a group chat, and we all started playing video games regularly, so I got to know him a bit better. This user goes on to say that his advice from this experience is to remove the Twitter friendship from the site and engage in other ways, like blocking the video game group, before advancing into the territory of the. connection / relationship.

If you’re not already a mutual, another user advises working on your network: “I met the guy I dated for a year because I told my sister he was hot; they were mutuals, so she messaged her for me.

If your crush isn’t following you, your attempts at flirting may be unsuccessful upon arrival, depending on the user’s privacy settings and whether they are accepting messages from strangers. Another user told me that in his attempt to ‘bat an eyelash’, his Twitter crush had never even read his post: ‘From what I can understand, it’s because they didn’t tell me. not follow. If the only way to slip into DMs and show them to the recipient is for you to be mutuals, then that’s not a feasible dating option for my little old man.

The status of “mutuals” is your way of knowing that you are on someone’s radar and, more importantly, you are not a fool in contacting them.

Flirt through the likes

Almost every success story I’ve heard started with a gentle flirtation phase of loving each other’s tweets. This is a natural first step to showing interest, the second step being to build rapport in the comments.

At the same time, assess whether your interactions are truly welcome or simply tolerated. Don’t be too strong, especially if they don’t engage with you in return. But if you’re testing the waters and the result is a mutual interaction, maybe it’s time to move on to DMs.

Make a gesture

Ultimately, you need to go beyond just likes. As user @LouBegaVEVO Told me more bluntly, “Just loving someone’s posts is a coward’s flirtation and will never get anywhere.” You have to make a move. One person I dated after meeting them on Twitter told me I should have known she wanted it sooner because she “always loved all of my selfies.” No! It’s nothing. My mom does that too.

If you’re nervous about being slick, here’s a real tip from @lizzzzzielogan: “DM someone’s own tweet plus a comment.” Instead of responding to their tweet, you are now bringing the conversation to the DMs. Then you can treat it like a dating app, where you exchange messages and then meet up. (More information on the meeting soon).

Be direct

The advantage of dating apps is the ability to talk about any random topic with the common assumption that you are both flirting. But you can spend weeks in DMs with the lingering question: are you both on the same page?

One of the most repeated advice I have received is that you need to clarify your intentions and get it done as soon as possible. As @ CSantiago1001 says, “Don’t send someone a message under the guise of friendship if that’s not what you want.” If you think you need to get someone to let their guard down by thinking of you as a friend, you shouldn’t be texting them in the first place.

User @LouBegaVEVO shares more evidence in favor of the franchise: “I once moved on from the coward method above of just liking selfies by sending them their own selfie by DM and just saying ‘Hi, I’m flirting openly with You, now “. It actually worked very well. Franchise works, but crass franchise does not, just like with real dating apps.

Take it offline

In any online dating industry, one of the biggest mistakes people make waiting too long to meet in person. If the interest is mutual, try to find out what chemistry looks like in real life. And if you find yourself in different cities, organize a virtual date– everything to make sure you have something beyond compatible Twitter characters.

If you are extremely online, remember that one of the perks of meeting in real life is talking about, well, real life. Another user shared his caveat: “If you’re going on a date with them, please be able to have a conversation that isn’t just about Twitter. I went on three dates with someone from the birds site and they brought every conversation back to it. I tried to participate but I was exhausted. [Twitter] is a good starting point for getting to know someone, but not the most ideal base. For most of us, the point of meeting people online is to find out if you have an offline spark.

Manage expectations

Finally, remember that your expectations should be closer to in-person flirtation than they could with the shared agreement of dating apps. Here is some of the wisdom I received to address someone’s disinterest:

“Take ‘no’ for an answer. Don’t harass strangers on the Internet. No one owes you their time, attention, or an explanation of why they are not interested. Also, if you are sending a message to a stranger, what will stop you from sending a message to someone else who might be interested? ”

The same user continues, “Don’t be afraid to move on. Even if you’ve made your intentions clear, that doesn’t mean the other person will. Some people just want attention and will entertain you to get it. If you think so, go your way. This is only a big deal if you make one.

Final thots thoughts

For many of us, social media complements very real aspects of our very real lives. I found job postings via Twitter. I have collected and donated money to causes close to my heart through the platform. I went from “mutuals” to precious in-person friendships. All things considered, why would finding love be so different?

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